going quiet

So since it has been like a year since I posted on this blog I have decided that it is officially dead! I blog a lot of my other blog about family and life etc and instead of keeping all my weight loss semi private I'm just going to blog about it there b/c trying to keep 2 blogs going obviously isn't going well... So come check out my renewed weight loss challenge (I joined weight watchers 2 weeks ago and am starting a weigh loss challenege at work next week) at Life on the Farm See you there!

stuck at 188

I have seriously lost my mojo! I have been stuck at 188 for like a month now and I haven't felt great about blogging about it so no blogging no wieght lost just loss of energy and pep! I think a lot fo it has to do with me not feeling so great about work these days. I have been feeling really stressed at my job- a lot due to being really short staffed and constantly feeling like I am doing a terrible jb taking care of my patients. IAlso though it's been not great for awhile and the continued not-greatness has put me into this funk of realizing that it will prbably be not great for a long time to come. We'e at the point now where thery are going to strat requiring mandatoray overtime and on-call in addition to our regularly scheduled hours. I'm so not up for that and I have been working a lot of extra shifts already so it is just so frustrating to me that despite all of my extra hard work we are all getting the shaft b/c the hosital is too damn cheap to hire a traveller- apparently it is more cost effective to drive your staff nurses into the ground with too much work. It also doesn't help that we are suffering the curse of the night shift where basically you just feel neglected. I haven't seen the manager in months b/c she is never here during night sihft hours- the perks of being a mananger I guess. I have my annual review next week and I am really wondering how she is planning on reviewing me when she hasn't even spoken to me in 2 months and that was at a staff meeting, not when I was working. I must find someway to shed the crankiness.

Anyway so there is that at work and then we had Xander's birthday party and then we went to my 10 yr college reunion and the list goes on...I just feel like life is so busy and hectic that anytime I have to "myself" must be spent cleaning and cooking and doing laundry and I can't seem to find enough hours in the day to do all that and exercise and sleep and maybe have soem time in my sewing room. It is all a trade off and unfortunetly the part that has been losing out is the exercise. I keep choosing to sleep instead! I ahve been doing ok with eating wekk which is why I haven't gained weight but I would like to keep it coming off. 2 more lbs and I'll be at 20 lost- which is seriously pathetic considering it has taken me 6 months to lose 18 lbs but slow and steady and manageable wins the race right!?!

So here's my plan - Frank has a job inteview on Tues and fingers crossed he gets it..then we can afford (or I will cram into the budget) a way to have someone come and clean my house 2x a month so that the constant pig sty in which I live (and causes me a ton of frustartion) will ease, plsu the kids will be back in daycare and not at home with daddy who as much as I love him is THE WORST housekeeper EVER. He complains about me (and I'm not great) but he is awful and Xander is capable of destrying the house in 2 seconds flat, especially when you don't pay attention to what he is doing. Plus if Frank is working we will be forced to get on a better and more consistent schedule- which is a constant struglle with me working night shift- but that isn't going to change anytime soon so we will have to live with it. Plus baseball is almost over which will free Frank up some more to actually get some stuff done around the house. I've got my calendar and my cookbooks and tonight I am planning a menu for the next month so that I domy shopping and have a plan so that we have nice, healthy food stocking our fridge! and no more crappy meals b/c I'm to tired to cook or come up with a meal plan, everything will eb there and ready to go!

I just had yearly lab work done and my cholesterol is high- only a tiny bit but high cholesterol is something that runs in the family so I need to get a handle on that now. In great news though my triglycerides are half what they were last year(they were out of control high)! but my chol is up a bit from then so another trade off but I think I made much better strides in getting my triglycerides down then I lost in my chol being up a bit. So keep working on being healthy and maybe by next year all my numbers will be normal! Healthy summer here we come!

Avoidance

So I have honestly just not felt like posting or doing much of anything else recently. I was feeling fat and ugly and just blah blah blah so I avoided the scale the last couple weeks. Well finally this wednesday I made myself get on it and to my immense suprise had actually lost weight- in fact I lost almost 5 whole pounds. I am PRE-JAMES! I have lost 20 lbs since I started this weight loss challenge back in December- holy cow! I seriously needed this boost to my self esteem. it's always amazing to me how those boosts come when you really need them.

I have been good food wise- really it is the working out that I need to get back on track with b/c that is what is really going to burn away this extra fat. So more physical activity is in my future- really it is...I've got a crazy work week coming up (5 12 hour shifts in a row- yikes then 2 conference days) so I am not going to worry about it so much this week just spend plenty of time playing outside with the boys but once we make it through this week it's back to the Wii Fit 30 day challenge!

0.6

Well I did gain some weigth this week but given how horrible I have been that number could have been a lot higher. I went to exercise class on tues and it felt good so I am working the next couple of days and honestly at this point I need sleep more than exercise but sun I have plans to go to the gym with my sil and sat I should be able to work out at home before we head over to my mom's. Mon the plan is to work out at home and then tues back to the YMCA for class. thus is the plan...

goals

So I achieved my first goal to lose 10 lbs- slightly bummed that it took me 2 months to do it but I made it. Only 18 lbs o go and I will only be overweight and not obese. The Wii told me the other day that my ideal weight is 126 (for a BMi of 22)- ha that will never in a million years actually happen. even when i was starving in Africa I only weight 145. I will be happy with maintaining 150 for awhile but first I must make it to 186. small steps..

haven't been so good about working out recently- Xander sat on my knee and bruised the hell out of it- he got it just right. Plus the kids and I were both sick as dogs last week so that is a real shot in the motivation wagon. Went on a long walk with some friends sat and am hoping with the nice weather that i can get a few more walks in. Sat is the big IKEA shopping trip so in all honesty that is a workout in and of itself!

How is it possible to be sleep deprived and have insomnia at the same time. it seems like a cruel joke somedays! I'm feeling better emotionally though these days. Frank and I had a long talk last week and I took a couple days off work to take care of the kids and myself and I do feel recharged. james has been sleeping better at night and I also think that extra sleep works wonders. Plus I got my hous cleaned up and that is a real boost to my mental state. I am hoping this up mood continues for awhile but I also feel like I go in patterns of feeling pretty good and then I wake up one morning feeling like crap. We've decided to send the kids to daycare and extra half day every week so that I have some time to get things done- run errands, clean, etc so I am hoping that will alleviate some of the simple stresses that just seemed to be adding up and weighing me down.

why...

I actually managed to get up and work out this morning- go me! I am seriously exhausted now though since I have been up since 5am and I only got like 4 hours of sleep. I really hate insomnia- plus having a 5 month old that likes to eat every 4 hours or so. My head hurts. I am frustarted though b/c even though I have worked out like 5/6 last days I gained almost 2 lbs- what the heck? I know I need to pay more attention to what I am eating but geez! I fogot to brong my food diary with me today but I am keeping track anyway. I really trying to get into the habit of writing down all my intake but I am having a hard time with that. Since today is the begining of Lent it is a good excuse to be more careful about watching what I am eating.

So 170cal burned this morning with 25 minutes on the Wii Active.

goal progress

So I feel off the train work out wise last week... but at thursday I got back on and worked out thurs, fri, sat, sun and mon. Didn't work out today though- I was supposed to go to the YMCA and work out and then take Xander to swim class but it snowed like a foot, the chick arrived this morning, and I had to be at work at 12:30 which was pushing the time line without the snow so I didn't end up going. I was going to work out after I got home from work (I ended up walking up the driveway which is a work out just not the kind I planned) but Frank and I took advantage of my mom being here to go out to dinner- our own private mardi gras. I am hoping to work out tomorrow but am not sure if that will happen or not- I have to work from 8-5 and then Ash wed mass is at 7 so... the plan is to get up early enough to wash the bottles, make dinner in the crockpot, work out, shower and get to work on time....ugh!

My goal for Lent..start keeping track of what I am eating so that I can boost my weight loss by not being such a pig!